pre-appointment fret

I still feel sort of sick, but today it's more nerves, I think. I get the test results today and of course I'm worried about two possible outcomes:

A: it's something serious
B: it's not serious enough to bother with, and so I have to figure out how to live with the symptoms. I'm cool with that, except that I've been doing that for the last 8-9 years and they've been getting worse recently.

In fact, it was partly the heart thing that got me started running. I was a grad student in Montreal, doing grad student things like not sleeping enough and believing that Guinness was a meal, lol....great times, but one day I got palpitations. I actually had gotten them a couple of years before, so wasn't concerned...until I got them again shortly after. I was falling apart! And then I wound up in the hospital a few months later due to something else (probably a burst cyst/septis), I decided that I was indeed falling apart and had to improve my fitness. After a zombie like week eating mostly red meat, and drifting in and out of consciousness, I decided I would start running.

Why? it seemed the cheapest option and Mont-Royal was but a couple of blocks away--as it turned out, I lived really close to the start of the Olmstead trail. The

I dug out a pair of casual cotton shorts--they had a zipper! lol--and a cotton tshirt. I honestly don't remember what I was wearing for shoes. I don't think I had running shoes at the time because I pretty much always wore army or construction boots or ballet-flat type shoes when it was warmer. Maybe I jogged in the flats. not sure. It didn't really matter because I didn't go far at first.

When I headed out that first time, the challenge of going up the mountain suddenly struck me. Hadn't occured to me before, but I looked up at that thing, the top shrouded in mist (at least in my imagination), and I decided to run around the park on the other side of the street.

This turned out to be incredibly hard because it was not flat either and, duh, I hadn't ever really ran before. I spent a lot of my formative years jog/walking to things when I was late (either in boots or flats--after getting through the humiliation of Grade 9 gym, I didn't own running shoes--and, actually, I wore an old pair of my mom's before then). But I had hopeless endurance. I couldn't jog for more than a minute. I had a 800M run in Grade eight and came in around 3:15, I think...with a walk break. LOL

Fine. I was sick and weak. I had an excuse. I made it around the park and then the next time I figured it was going to be hard no matter what, so I hit the hill.

And, with the company of a couple of roommates on and off, I clawed my way up the hill that summer. Ran when I could, walked when I was out of breath. I was working but otherwise had few constraints on my time once I was done school, so I didn't wear a watch, didn't worry about mileage, just tried to get a bit farther each time. To the first bend, to the second, to the third, to the fountain, to the bench...it was pretty exciting.

when I finally got to the top, I was disgusted to find a parking lot and some very unhealthy people up there. That was a shock.

But I was healthy. I didn't feel like my heart was going to flutter out of my chest anymore. I felt like I'd taken a few years off already.

I had a few ups and downs with running, injuries, low iron, etc...but I've largely felt a lot healthier after running than before.

Until recently. I feel like I'm back where I started. It's discouraging. I tried running yesterday, and my legs were very heavy. I'm still fighting something which doesn't help. I might run later this afternoon--I really need to give the dog a good workout, and since I'm working tomorrow, I might do a double on Wed-Thurs. Will see.

And I'll see what the doctor says in about two hours. I've been waiting for this for two months now. Hopefully they got a good reading with the electrodes!