retrenching. WORDY

Really, I was already retrenching, but now I'm retrenching from that retrenching...this place took its big bites, and now it's gnawing on my bones.   We had some healthy hefty storms last night, thank goodness, but the air is still dirty, and the temperature is once again 30C and rising, but now it's also humid and I also have a bunch of yard debris that should be picked up.   WHEN ARE THE DAILY HIGHS GOING TO BE UNDER 30C  ?!!!!!   With these hot temps lasting since, what, May?, I should be wandering around festive canals and open air markets and spending hours haggling and sipping complimentary tea and sampling juice-laden nearly-almost-overripe exotic fruits or scraps of meat simmering in a pot that is never empty and rarely cold, my nose jammed with an umami stew of spices and perfume and decay,  my ears ablaze with a miasma of strange vowel combinations and stranger animal cries, my brain overwhelmed by sensory input, the inner monologue silenced except for a repeated "where the heck am I?" And, of course, being lost heightens perception even more elaborately and seductively, and when I close my eyes, I still see colours.

Instead I get boredom and wheat and a bunch of fallen branches as thick as my wrist.  And bad bad cabin fever.

And it is not socially acceptable to sweat much here.

 It also says somewhere in my contract that I am required to wear underwear at work but it cannot be visible.  Just throwing that in here because I was wondering if typing it would make me laugh as much as remembering it does, and it does!  too bad humour doesn't come in a syringe.

I tried to run for an hour yesterday, but my breathing started to get strained again, and my legs were heavy because I still haven't recovered.  2ish miles.  And then I did zwow #5 with a couple of additional exercises.

Today, nothing.  I slept in.  Lots of water and rest still.  Colitis, for some reason this time, isn't consistent like it usually is.   I get a break, and then a few hours of pain, then repeat.  This might have something to do with weak self-control.  After having not much of an appetite for umpteen days, I found it returned and redoubled, and I indulged it fully, and squished it.  When it comes back, I'm going to have to take things much more slowly.  Maybe it's once again time for the old banana, rice, and ginger ale diet, adding a little bit more here and there, mainly other fruits for the first while, keeping that canoe steady.

At low times like this, between naps, I ponder all sorts of odd stuff that is dredged up from goodness knows where.  But my main thought today is pretty consistent: why do I run?  What do I get out of it?  (pretending, of course, that I'm running regularly)

Exercise and a reliable release of endorphins and other mood-stabilizing neurotransmitters, yes, but not these days.
Exercise so that I can eat more.  usually, but not these days!
Because it feels good, usually, but not here.
Excitement, yes, but there is none here apart from the epinephrine-pumping type involving bad drivers.
Seeing new things, definitely, but there are few here.
Getting faster, sometimes, but not realistic now.
Goal race?

Ok, there are a couple of possibilities in mid-November.   Even October is likely to be too hot.

And what do I hope to get out of the goal race?

Camaraderie?  Maybe, but not as likely here.  No running group.
PB?  nope
New sights, yes, although limited.
Impetus to run more regularly.  YES.

If circular reasoning is what I got, that's what I got.