A new dawn

We aren't still fully moved in--movers came this morning to pick up the rest of the landlord's furniture, and another repairperson will come this afternoon, and our stuff will be delivered on Monday which lead to more errands--there are still umpteen little things to be done, and this list kept me up last night even though most of it is settled and not things which I will have to do myself. I shouldn't even care about this stuff and honestly, though I like to stomp on some tasks before they have a chance to breathe and breed, I'm enough of a procrastinator that I should be used to ignoring a constant To-do list. Unfortunately, it kept me up until 12:30 or so last night, and I decided that this was a suitable invitation for running an hour later than "usual".

I got up at 6:30 am, it was still dark, I was still tired. The dog apparently doesn't have a To-Do list running through his head late at night: he was up and moving before I was. He doesn't whine or bark to wake me up although occasionally he'll yawn noisily if it's urgent (rarely because he has the largest bladder known to Canine), so he paced. He doesn't know that click click click can be just as effective. Dogs love strict schedules and I was late.

At first it seemed like our other runs, though the sky was dark blue and not black. There was definitely more traffic noise though the side roads were still empty enough to run on; we mostly stuck to the main streets, albeit on another new loop. I'm still haven't given up hope that there is a route with very minor hills. There are some big ridge lines, but mainly a bunch of little ripples and if only I could find a way to run between them or something...lol. I saw more cop cars (possibly the same one driving around) this morning than I have during all my other morning runs combined: 3 v/s 0. The sky lightened during the run and by the time we got home, it was almost day. The traffic increased dramatically too: we had to wait a while to cross a certain street.

When we first got here and drove around, I was wondering if other cars stop for pedestrians. Automatically, I compare every small town and city to the one small town I used to live in (this will be number 2, everywhere else I've lived has been more urban--actually, it'll be number 3, but I was too young to remember living in Kapuskasing with my grandparents): every larger city retains its unique self and I go in with fresh eyes, but all the smaller places I visit get shoved into the same Sackville, NB folder which leads to weird expectations. Ex: look how the houses are spread out, it's like Sackville. Will cars stop? Will parsley be free but I'll have to ask for it and they'll bring it out from the back of the store (true story, took me 3.5 years to discover that). But, no, the cars don't stop for pedestrians here, which is fine, and I'll probably have to pay for parsley too. I'm not in Sackville anymore.

Anyway, 2.5 miles and the general impression that I might as well get up at 5:30. 6:30 still felt uncomfortably early and the run was sort of dull and featureless, I suppose, pretty much like most later morning runs. Maybe if on a clearer morning it would have been more inviting. There wasn't a dawn so much as a lighter grey.

At any rate, I'm still trying to figure out what to call the pre-6 am atmos, how to describe its comforting yet also ________ quality...see, this is one of the words I'm lacking. Being outside at that time invites a higher level of clarity and attention and sensation, and it feels so different and more fulfilling. Perhaps it targets a different mix of brain activity, more pons and thalamus, the primitive regions that we share with fish and mice and so forth, and less cerebrum, less daydreaming, less thinking about the future, or assignments, or philosophy, metaphysics, whatever. There is a time and place for everything and it's refreshing to let my mind wander sometimes, but it also feels good to exercise more of the mechanics of my prehistoric amphibious ancestors, stuff that doesn't bother with words or the past or future or anything abstract. Sometimes my thoughts, like everyone else's, run in unproductive circles, sometimes for days: wish I'd learnt earlier that prodding the darkness can push these aside. Hopefully it retains its effect over time. I'll try to vary my route so that I don't get too complacent.

Hopefully it can also wipe away all these stupid mid-move concerns!

Edit: this afternoon, we all went for an easy flat jog around the airfield on post. The wind was 30 miles/hour and most of the road was recently repaired with large gravel chunks. NOT EASY at ALL. It was very flat, though. 4.6 miles.